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Feb 09
2009
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Hi, so it's currently 1:26 AM and I can't get to sleep. So I decided, what the hell? Why not try out this fancy pants blog thing?
Hmmm, it seems like the next problem is what to blog about. I suppose I could always blog about the things I love most, Scotch, cheese, flare guns, and mechanical pencils, but that would be terribly boring.
I ate a really bad chicken salad sandwhich today. It was at the Bain's Deli in my mall's food court. I'll never eat there again. One of the odd things, was that my terribly dry and unflavorful chicken salad sandwhich wasn't on a Bain's Deli plate, but was instead on a plate stolen from the pizza place two kiosks down. I can only imagine the brawl between the angry Italian dudes when they find out that the punks down at the deli stole some plates. It'll be a food court ruccus and that sounds like the kind of party I want to be at! I haven't been in a good brawl in a long time.
On the way out of the mall I was accosted by an overzealous Isreali chick who wanted to sell me nail care products for my girlfriend. I asked her if she had voted in her election, and she said she had. At least I think that's what she said, I took the oportunity of creating a diversion to run away. Because I hate to admit it, but I don't really care too much about whether the Likud party or Kadima wins, and I could care even less about the latest in nail care technology from the Dead Sea.
I was so unsatisfied by my chicken salad sandwhich, and so shaken by my run in with a 96 pound Israeli girl who was nearly pushing five feet, that I decided I needed a smoothy. I went with strawberry and banana. It was delicious and sweet. Sweet like the tears of my vanquished enemies. Sweet like the tears of Kael'Thas when he cuts himself because he listened to that black parade song too many times and couldn't bear the pain of growing up in a 5,000 square foot house with every need of life provided for him by parents who drive Mercedes SUVs. I can't even imagine what Kael'Thas must have gone through, the pain must have been immense. I know the only thing that could temper it would be to either cut himself, or find a new Invader Zim tshirt at the local Hot Topic.
Do you ever get sidetracked down meandering tangents? I think the prettiest place on earth is the Lake District in North West England. I would love to rent a house there in April. It's nice. They make really good mints there. And jacket potatos for lunch. Mmmmm, jacket potatos.
I'm not going to need my jacket tomorrow. It's going to be 63. I can't wait for spring to, uh, spring. Cold weather sucks. I should move to the keys for 11 months out of the year (I'll spend April in the village of Windermere in the Lake District). Maybe if I win the powerball I can make that happen.
Powerball is not a euphamism for masturbation, although it should be.
Windermere England is in the County of Cumbria, I think that's a cool name for a county.
I've been typing for over twenty minutes now, and you may think that I should be getting tired, well I'd love it if I were. As luck would have it, I have to go to a meeting first thing tomorrow morning. I'll need coffee to survive it. I'm going to have to lay the smack down on a woman named Kassandra. Sometimes difficult jobs just have to be done, and somebody's gotta deliver the mail to beatdownsville.
Beatdownsville is in the County of Your Mom, I also think that's a cool name for a county.
You didn't think I'd make it past word upon word of stream of conciousness mind vomit and not find a "Your momma" joke in there somewere, did you?
I once got frostbite in the Florida Keys in August. I just rule that much. That same day I almost choked to death on some cheese while eating lunch. It's very sad when the thing you love the most tries to kill you.
Have you ever shot off a flare gun? If not I reccomend it. It's super awesome.
Ok, it's 1:57 now, so I'm going to try to lay down and go to sleep again. If not I promise not to do another blog thing.